"Holy Bikini, Batman!"

Continuing on my slight obsession with superhero movies (and the realization that there are A LOT of them out there, and I’ve sadly, seen most of them), I present my personal list of what I think are the best and worst superhero films. Keep in mind that, like all young appreciators of cinema, my picks are handicapped by my age, and are therefore only from about the last ten years or so.

WORST

Elektra (2005): Daredevil was barely passable, but this was just ridiculous. If I want to see Jennifer Garner jump around in a pleather outfit, I’ll watch Alias re-runs.

Hulk (2003): Usually Ang Lee does some pretty good stuff, but this movie was awful. So awful that during the dramatic split-screen montage of the Hulk bounding through the desert (Hulk not like sand! ARGGGG) my brother and I laughed so hard we cried. I do not think Mr. Lee meant for this movie to be humorous.

Fantastic Four (2005): Some of the worst dialogue. Of all time. Also, Jessica Alba should stick to making commercials for foundation make-up, as this doesn’t require any facial expressions.

Hellboy (2004): Kudos to Ron Pearlman for becoming a decent demonic hero, but how is it possible that Guillermo del Toro, the same director who brought us the fantastic Pan’s Labyrinth, is responsible for this mediocre movie? You wouldn’t even think it was the same guy!

The Spirit (2008): I was really excited for this movie; Frank Miller, the genius behind the Sin City graphic novel series, as director! But even Samuel L. Jackson’s badassery as super villain and a sexy Eva Mendes couldn’t save this one. A great comic creator does not a great director make.

BEST

The Dark Knight (2008): You’re probably tired of hearing about it, but this is a great movie. Truly. Great cinematography, music, story and a stellar cast (and yes, that even includes Christian Bale). Heath Ledger’s Joker is the stuff screen legends are made of.

Iron Man (2008): This one surprised me. I went in expecting something

decent and wound up getting the awesome action, visual effects and power-punch sensibility people love going to the movies for. There is also about a 75% chance you will develop a crush on Robert Downy Jr. after

seeing his perfect-fit performance as Tony Stark.

X-Men Series (2000): This trilogy has set the standard for superhero movies in my opinion, and continues to do so (notwithstanding the supposed Magneto prequel release…reserving judgment?). They have everything a good comic book flick should, and the casting is spot-on; Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellan, Famke Janssen, and Halle Berry look just like the characters I used to watch on Saturday morning cartoons. Hugh Jackman IS Wolverine. Period.

Sin City (2005): An all-star cast, film noir dark humor and spectacular visuals combine to make this one of the most interesting movies I’ve ever seen. The different storylines could have been disjointed, but they flowed to make some serious movie magic. Sequel? Yes, please!

V For Vendetta (2005): After being seriously disappointed with the follow-ups to the Matrix, the Wachowski Brothers definitely make up for it with this movie. And while I’ve heard the film is just a watered-down version of the graphic novel and got twisted into an anti-Bush political platform, when taken at face value, Hugo Weaving and Natalie Portman’s performances still give me goose bumps every time.

HONORABLE MENTION

Batman (1966): I happened to catch this on TV in the wee hours of the morning once... and seldom has a movie made me laugh so much. While mostly I was entertained by the cheesy action bubbles that flash across the screen (BAM! KAPOW!) and the utter ridiculousness of Robin’s one-liners (which is where the title of this blog comes from… no joke, he actually says this as Batman flies the Batcopter over a rooftop with some sun-tanning babes), it was actually a pretty good movie.

Here is an example of just how ridiculous we’re talking: what do you do if you’re Batman and you’re attacked by a shark? Why, take care of it with Shark Repellant Bat Spray! Seriously. Go watch it.